


The romantic comedy I should have never started writing

by levi_robbed_my_tea_cupboard



Series: Modern London AU [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Misuse, Comedy of Errors, Don't read, F/M, Female Hange Zoë, Hange name spelled as Hanji, Hanji x Rico bropt, London, London AU, London mostly because of Rico xD, Modern AU, Teasing, XD, a LOT of alcohol, a lot of misunderstandings, and there's an explanation for that, and tormenting your favourite characters, because that's not it's major focus, but it's not hetalia, cleaning business, grey ace Hanji, harry potter as popculture, it's not alcoholism but still, levihan - Freeform, like she is but i won't be naming it in the fic, national stereotypes, now this is a clickbait and it is not, planned cliffhangers, prince polo, rico is slavic but no one knows how slavic, spoilers in the tags, teavi, they overdid it that weekend, this is a very hermetic joke, trolling readres is what i'm here for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-03-09 02:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18907672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levi_robbed_my_tea_cupboard/pseuds/levi_robbed_my_tea_cupboard
Summary: Hanji had never fallen in love and once she did and... what on Earth is happening?Levi didn't sign up for this, someone please give him a big cup of tea and a blanket. Denial? What is denial?This is a comedy of errors in a modern London AU, I can't tell more without spoiling the first chapter.(Updates ☕ 📖 every Monday (like seriously, look at the chapter count, I wanna complete this story before the end of the year (or at least before I'm old and grey D:))) OK they eventually WILL be every Monday but I planned the story much shorter and simpler then it came out to be, so once I'm back to it I'm gonna update weekly *feels ashamed*





	1. Booze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Alcohol triggered actions and behavior in this chapter.

_London, King's Cross Station, the official Harry Potter platform 9  3/4._

Pissed off Levi has been waiting with his little sister Mikasa in a queue long as hell to take just one picture of her with a half of a damn trolley in a wall. They have been waiting for five minutes, ten, fifteen and eventually half an hour passed when only one person remained before them. Suddenly, someone’s hot sticky hand touched Levi's arm. He could swear that the dishevelled, sweaty woman hadn’t been there just a while ago and the resentful faces of people behind her were a sufficient confirmation.

“Excuse me” she said when Levi got out of her grasp. “Could you take me a photo?” And not waiting for his answer she shoved him a smartphone. “Sorry,” she said to Mikasa, shamelessly tearing her neat braids, “I’m in hurry” and she ran to the walled trolley and grabbing it’s handle waved to him and grinned pushing her glasses up. Somehow she managed to grab a silver and blue scarf from a cheerful, chubby woman, which she flung carelessly over her shoulder.

Levi sighted and rose her mobile. Disgusting. The touchscreen was full of dirty fingerprints and kind of sticky so he couldn’t resist the need to wipe it with a clean tissue. At least. Chocking with indignation, he quickly took the photo and crouched to fix Mikasa’s braids and bows. He wanted to make sure she would be pleased with the photo and wouldn’t force him to come back to the hell. And he was pretty aware that his little, seemingly innocent sister was able to do it.

“Enough” said Mikasa and ran to the trolley, refusing to put on one of the stripped scarves and stroking her own one. Levi breathed a sigh of relief thinking that he was going to leave the little hell and forget about never-ending waiting and a _daft someone._ He reached into his pocket expecting do grab his camera, but instead of that he took out the weird woman’s mobile. He rolled his eyes and looked around to give it back but couldn’t notice her anywhere.

Levi shot a few quick photos of Mikasa, annoyed only thinking about meeting the brainsick woman again. His eyes almost killed the chubby lady with scarves when she showed Mikasa the way to Harry Potter store. Levi’s suffering was extended for the next twenty minutes in which Mikasa tried to persuade him to buy her a package of jelly slugs - unsuccessfully - and a plush owl - “Leave this dust catcher.”

Eventually, Levi agreed to buy her harmless-looking candies and grabbing her hand went to the cash desk wondering how someone could even produce something as disgusting as jelly slugs. He was rummaging through his wallet to find some coins when the shitty smartphone in his pocket vibrated and “The Imperial March” started to play at full volume. Before he managed to turn it off everyone in the store was looking at them and Levi swore himself that he would strangle the weirdo with her damn mobile at the first opportunity.

* * *

 

At first glance one could see that the room was shared by two people. An invisible line between the door and a double window splat it into two long parts, both quite chaotic and full of belongings scattered in every corner. Due to the identical set up of furniture on both sides of the room it made an impression of a photomontage, in which two pictures of one bedroom had been set together, the picture on the left made at least a week later without a single cleaning in the meantime. On the right side bed a young woman was sitting, her legs crossed, and staring at a kitchen timer put on a messy table by the window. Actually the tomato-shaped timer was staying on a pile of books which was staying on a cardboard box because there was no longer enough space to put the timer directly on the table. Not if someone didn’t want to take away some dirty dishes and pizza boxes from the room. The women smiled with satisfaction when the timer had only 5 minutes left to count off, which meant that she had already been waiting for 25 minutes and was 25 minutes closer to the victory. Tricking her roommate was an easy win.

The less minutes was left to count off the slower the timer was ticking, thought the women and taking off her glasses lied herself on the bed, with heels on the wall and head hanging down. Dust on the floor didn’t bother her since her hair never got the chance to grow really long. From this position she could see blurry disorder on the other side of the room, partially created by her own belongings. Her old jumper was lying under the other bed, as well as one of her sandals, and both sides of their windowsill were cluttered with her own photo frames. Rico was watching a mirror image of her own territory and the only difference was that the other side was covered with papers, dried plants and other, in her opinion, rubbish. She didn’t mind their appearance as long as they weren’t reaching her kingdom and if a note or a leaf found a way to her part she just throw it to the other side where her roommate could do with them whatever she wished. Talking of whom, she had only one minute left to come back so Rico has already felt the taste of victory on her tongue when a thud sounded on the staircase. Rico raised her head full of disappointment in the same moment when the front door opened and her flatmate intruded through the dining room.

“I did it!” jelled Hanji, catching her stomach. “I won!” wheezed and leaned heavily on the doorframe. Her face was all read and drops of sweat appeared on her forehead and bangs.

Rico jumped to her feet.

“Fuck!” she jelled, simultaneously with the buzz of the timer. She slid glasses back into her nose and shook her head. “How? How is it even possible?”

Hanji shrugged.

“I ran and jumped the queue” Hanji grinned heavy breathing. “The stuff didn’t even notice.” 

“Fuck it” moaned Rico. “Show me the damn photo.”

“Sure.” Hanji put her hand into pocked and froze. “Oh shit.”

“What is it?”

“I left the phone.”

“What?!” a hint of smile appeared on Rico’s mouth.

“I asked a guy to take the photo and forgot to take it back.” Hanji managed to reach a bed, Rico’s bed, because her own was full of precious papers, and sat with a tricky gleam in her eye. “Judging from his face he won’t be happy to see me again.”

Rico collapsed on the bed next to Hanji and leaned on the wall.

“Irrelevant. I won.”

“Nope, I won. There was no rule that I have to come back with the phone.” Hanji twisted her arms.

“We don’t need the rule. You come back without the phone so there’s no evidence you had the photo. I won.”

“Call me and ask that guy. And by the way ask where I can get it back.”

“That’s not fair. If it’s true at least we can share the costs.”

“Ok. Now call.”

Rico took her mobile from under her pillow and choose Hanji’s number.

“He hang up.” she announced frowning.

“Give it to me.” Hanji took the phone. “I’ll try again.”

“Why so briefly?”

“He turned it off.” Hanji looked confused and dropped the mobile on the bed. “He turned my baby of. Why?”

“Dunno.” Rico shrugged and smiled with triumph. “But it means that even after all your shirking you pay today.”

“It’s my last money.”

“You’ll have to endure it. Come’n, Friday evening without vodka is not Friday evening.”

“Prepare yourself for the most horrid hooch in the city then” murmured  Hanji laying on the bed next to Rico.

Hanji only briefly thought about the certain hangover in the morning and the cute little guy who had stuck with her phone.

* * *

 

”It would be briiiilinat if we could go theee…”

“You can get a pass for tourists.”

“Tuuristsss?” Hanji stretched the s and burst with another salve of laughter as if it was the funniest thing in the universe.

“Yeah, sightseeing pass.” Rico tried to grab her phone but her hand missed the right spot and instead throw a couple of things from the table. Hanji’s laughter became even louder.

“But it’d’e forsh-ort. Wanna go forrrllllooonnn-ger.”Hanji pushed Rico back on her bed and grabbed a bottle with her other hand. Than shook it and made and unhappy sound. “Emptyyy…”

“That’s for the best” murmured Rico. “We’ve already had too much.”

“Noo that mutsch… Onry like” Hanji rose her hand and critically looked at her fingers. “Ttt-tttwoo for…” Hanji’s jaw dropped while she was frowning at her fingers. “…rrr twooo ow usss.”

“And nothing to wash down but tap water.”

“Notz my faul-t!” Hanji gulped the very last sip from the bottle and stared at Rico. “Youuu had to buy ssss-ssssssttt-tttaaaaaaaaaaafor pie-ro-gissss!”

Rico gurgled. “I told you hundreds of times…” but Hanji never heard what Rico had told her, because Rico’s phone started ringing.

“…sss the mid-dle offf zhe ni-ight.” Hanji resented and tried to rise from the bed. Rico was already palpating in the sound’s direction, which made even more trinkets land on the floor. Hanji, even completely wasted, knew there was no way drunk Rico could grab the phone herself, so she moved right to help her, but didn’t appreciated how much she drunk. She lost her balance and landed on Rico’s risen back, pushing her gustily from behind. Rico’s glasses fell from her nose, not that it made much of a difference when she was drunk, and while being completely sober in the sense of consciousness, Rico was seeing everything doubled and tripled.

“Shit, Ji, control your ass!” Rico murmured and tried to find her glasses between the pillows, but in the dark room, with mild streetlights as the only source of light, it was nearly impossible. Meanwhile the phone stopped ringing. “Shiiit, who was that?”

Hanji managed to get the phone and stared at it for a longer while.

“Ji?”

“Mmm…”

Rico sight.

“Meeee?”

“Yeah, you, cause I definitely cannot read it right now.”

Hanji waved her hand but in her drunken state it looked like a slow motion backward facepalm.

“Ou dn’t ge’it. Meeee… Mmmy phone.”

If Rico could see anything she would see Hanji’s triumphant face, but all she saw was a mild light of her mobile Hanji showed almost to Rico’s nose, not that it helped.

“Oh. Oh! Then the guy must have turned it on! C’mon! Call back!”

Hanji looked at her sceptically. “N-now?”

“Yeah, now! You call and hold the phone next to my ear and I’ll do the talking, ok?”

Hanji wasn’t chuffed with the idea. “Iii dn’t know. He’z kind cut-tie. Do the talk-king myzelv.”

“What? No! He won’t understand you and…”

“Ou understandz my!”

“…what is it now with the cutie part, Ji?”

Hanji thought this was the perfect moment to blush and deny, but she was already red and hot _and_ didn’t feel like denying at all. “’ause he’as” Hanji admitted instead, with the phone already next to her ear.

Rico somehow managed to pull her and the phone, dropped on the floor, stopped the waiting tone when someone answered it one the other side, tough too quiet for them to hear. Hanji squeaked and slid from the bed to grab it, so that now her legs were majestically swinging above her head, and she pressed the phone to her ear.

“…anyone there?” The voice on the other side was male and definitely annoyed. “Hello?”

“’ellooo!” Hanji screamed, somehow weirdly convinced it would annoy the guy even more and absolutely sure it was the best thing she could do. “Got me phon’ow cutie ov ‘ou!”

Guided by Hanji’s legs, Rico managed to get to the phone and retrieve it. Listening to the annoyed mumbling in the background, she somehow pressed it to her ear while sitting astride on Hanji to keep her in place, which in Rico’s condition was like the most advanced acrobatics.

“HELLO?” The guy on the other side seemed to lose his nerves.

“Hi! Sorry for my friend, she’s not in the best shape right now.” Rico used her free hand to secure Hanji, who was desperately trying to free herself, on the floor. Also, Rico could have sworn she’d already heard the voice somewhere, but no idea where, and it was probably just the vodka… “Is it ok to pick it up sometime tomorrow?”

“Aaah, well…” The guy started, but Rico didn’t hear the rest, deafened by Hanji’s scream “’ell him he’z a cuu’tte!”

“Could you repeat?”

“I said I thought I was somewhere on your street” said the man, his voice somehow more and more regretful “and if you’re home you could just go out and…”

“WHAT?”

“What what?” Cold, regretful and annoyed. At least.

“Ji, you didn’t leave your phone to a pervert, did you? Or a serial killer?”

“Eeeh?” from the phone was followed by Hanji’s “Whaaah?”

“Where are you?” Rico’s voice was demanding and revealing how proud she was that she stayed sober enough not to just share their address with a stranger.

“In front of a trashy café. And there’s a pizzeria on the…”

“Shit.” Rico leaned to Hanji, who now was contemplating the celling with a confused face. “Ji, he’s good. He’s, like, next to our front doors. How did he even…?”

“I can hear you, idiot!” The men hissed. “I just want to get rid of this phone of the filthy friend of yours so tell her to go down and get it.”

“Ha! And how do we know you won’t kill her or rape or get her kidney or…

“What?!”

“If you were a normal person you wouldn’t get there in the middle of the night, you’d just wait till tomorrow and…”

“It’s half passed seven.” The man said dryly.

Now that was something unexpected. It wasn’t like Rico and Hanji never got drunk in the middle of the day, but now it was autumn and dark outside for a while, so she was convinced it was deep after midnight. Because they couldn’t drink to bottles of vodka in not much longer than half an hour, right? Right???

“’ico? Wha’happened?”

Rico, not thinking much, hung down and squinted at the phone to see what time it was, but obviously couldn’t make it out. She shove the phone into Hanji’s hands and gasped. “What time is it?”

Hanji stared and the phone and rose one hand to help herself with fingers. “S-seven? Sev-en! Seeeven three two. I meaaan, two tree? Sev-ven three three? Yeah! Zero…” The phone rang again and it was so unexpected for Hanji that she dropped it on the floor again. “t’s me again!” She screamed, grabbing it before Rico. “’allo?” 

“Are you home or not?”

“’uo’re the cut-tie!” Hanji screamed again.

“…and no, I’m not a fucking rapist, there’s a shitload of people everywhere so…”

“…soooo?”

“Ji, give me the phone!”

“Are you fuckin’ drunk?”

“Yasss?”

“Ji!”

“…ine!” Hanji obediently sat on the floor and pressed the phone to Rico’s ear.

“Sorry, the idiot took over my phone.”

“Tsss. Tell her to come and get it, I don’t have time.”

In that very moment Rico realised none of them could do this. There was no way that she either let Hanji go there on her own to do and say God knows what, or go herself, because she doubted she would be able to get to the door, not to mention using the staircase.

“We can’t right now.” Rico was frantically thinking how to solve the weird situation when Hanji got up from the floor and moved to the kitchen, which was also their hall. “Ji, no!”

“I’lll….lllet himin!” Hanji shakily approached the front door and grabbed the intercom’s earphone.

“Ji.”

“ico?”

“I know, I’ll tell him to leave it in the post box!” Rico yelled, but it was too late because Hanji was already pressing the intercom button.

“ell ‘im our floor.”

Rico’s intuition was screaming, but she didn’t know why, so she eventually gave up and, leaned on the rooms doorframe, waited for the alleged organ dealer.

* * *

 

Hanji opened the door and leaned on the balustrade. “Weee here!” She was wondering if her little prince would catch her if she accidentally on purpose tilted too much and fell, but Rico’s annoyed “JI!” reminded her that even if she made it alive in the cutie’s arms, she definitely wouldn’t survive Rico’s rage. So she retreated to the kitchen and slid down next to Rico. In the name of fellowship and stuff.

Hanji only managed to bump on the floor, when her little prince appeared in the door. Pissed little prince, to be precise.

“What the hell is that?” If Hanji had any doubts whether he was a good target, the deep low voice dispelled her doubts in no time. Completely different than on the phone and oh. OH! Hanji liked it.

Meanwhile Rico squinted and squeaked, covering her face and probably forgetting that the cutie was supposed to be a serial killer, because she crawled to their room and, what was even weirder, shut the door.

So they were left alone. Good.

Hanji grinned and, after two unsuccessful trials, she eventually got up. In the meantime her little jellybean prince said nothing, staring at their flat with some kind of… could it be terror? It looked like that, but made no sense, because their cute flat and super cute kitchen, full of potted plants and colourful cushions framed in an intriguing mix of furniture was nothing but cosy. So the terror and, could it be?, disgust were at least unfounded.

“Here.” The man put Hanji’s phone on the table, shrugged and turned around.

“NO. You’ould stay.” Something in Hanji panicked when she saw the guy passing their doors and she went after him to catch him up right before the first stair. There she was, with the weird guy that she had even weirder attraction for looking at her over his shoulder with what _definitely_ wasn’t the same what Hanji felt. But there was also a short glimpse of concern in his eyes, which was the final cementing of Hanji’s decision. This wouldn’t end up here.

The guy was smart. He didn’t call from his own phone not even once, so none of them had their number and no track was left. How clever of him. Definitely the type of guy Hanji liked. But, as always, Hanji was smarter.

Hanji was smarter and her gut made her check out that guy, which was a killer combination when it came to noticing details. Useful, important details. That’s why she made an extra-long stop for his ass, even if partially covered by his own phone and wallet in the back pockets. Nice ass that made Hanji decide to do something inevitably stupid. Something she was going to blame on being drunk, but she never was that drunk, more like she had an excuse to do all the shit she actually knew she should never be doing, but wanted, oh so wanted to do.

She took her jellybean prince by surprise and almost jumped in his direction, pretending she wanted to kiss him, but actually pushing him down the floor, with her hands wrapped around his waist and shamelessly pressing in his ass area.

The stream of curses was instant as the guy hit the stairs with his ass and they shoved a few more until they reached the ever dirty entresol, rising a cloud of dust. The screams became even louder, Hanji exposed her teeth in one of her most drunken grins when the main doors to the building opened and someone came in. Hanji’s little prince fell silent, but she didn’t mind. Not that anyone in the building had anything against. And besides, the newcomer appeared to be their other flatmate, Mike.

By the time Mike reached the entresol, her little prince was already on his feet and Mike only nodded at them, but Hanji had to make use of the situation.

“’ike looook, m’new cut-tie!” Oh, articulation wasn’t her strong point when drunk, so never mind. ~~~~

Mike smirked at them but stayed silent, while Hanji’s little prince fled in panic, shutting the doors behind him. But Hanji had nothing against him leaving. After all, she got her insurance.

* * *

 

The very moment Levi arrived at their doors Rico realised things. Like, _Things_. For example, that she just spent part of her savings on flour and goddamn dozen of green Prince Polos (seriously, _green_ Prince Polos on sale, how could she resist?) And that meeting her boss drunk in her flat, shared with Ji of all people, wasn’t a good omen when it came to keeping her job. Because Rico worked part time in a cleaning company and the short man who just appeared at their doors was no other than Levi Ackermann, her super-duper tidy boss. Only the next day she was going to get to know that none of their friends and other people on Ji’s contact list had betrayed them, but since her number was on the top of the list with her not-too-decent photo attached, Levi must have figured things out and checked her address in his docs. Why he came to their flat in person, only two hours after Ji lost it, not even trying to make her get it herself? Or, at least, leaving it at the office maybe? She had no idea.

In the morning, studying scratches on the kitchen table, Rico realised even worse _Thing_. Or actually _The Major Biggest Hella Disaster Oh God Why_. Which was: Ji, her roommate and bestie, sister almost, had a sever crush on her boss. On Rico’s tiny, grumpy, and definitely not good looking enough (not good looking at all to be perfectly honest) to fall for him at first sight boss. Shit. Deep shit. The only positive aspect of the situation was the fact that she hadn’t been told she was fired, at least not yet. So there was hope, there was inevitably light in the dark tunnel full of take away boxes and the conscience calling in her head and maybe, just maybe, she was going to manage to keep her job. There was hope.

Rico believed that for the brief moment before hangover Ji (which was, if someone asked Rico, why Ji’s full name was Han-Ji, since hangover was her most common state, wasn’t it from alcohol than it was from a goddamn book) entered the kitchen with a triumphant smile and put a phone on the table next to Rico’s head. But it wasn’t Ji’s phone, neither was it Rico’s.

“What’s that?”

“I didn’t want to miss that guy’s track, so I took his phone from his back pocket.” Ji’s grin was so _so_ proud.

“You _stole_ his phone?” And if Rico wasn’t sure before, now she was fully convinced she was unemployed.

“Oh com’on. I didn’t _steal_ it. I lent it so we can meet again when he’ll come to get it back.”

_Sever, disgusting and very serious crush on her now-former boss. Dammit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be 1-2k long one-shot >.< For now I plan to post one 3-4k long chapter every one or two weeks.
> 
> I’m not sure if I got the HP photo spot location right. I think so, but feel free to correct me. Internet says it’s King’s Cross, the pictures and my memories look like it’s St. Pancras and though I’ve been there 3 times and even took my time to get the photo I’m still not sure? I was convinced King’s Cross and St. Pancras were the same place and the Internet says they’re not and I don’t know anything anymore. I think it’s not important enough for the fic to justify searching for it any longer but I also think it’s only fair to warn you and avoid spreading misinformation.
> 
> Prince Polo is a wafer chocolate bar, green is hazelnut flavoured, yum yum yum
> 
> 10 chapters are the estimated length. I have the story mostly outlined for now and I suppose it will be a little more than 10 chapters but can't tell for sure.
> 
> The next chapter is actually ready to release and you can expect insight into our girls’ sober selves as well as into our little pissed human espresso ^_^
> 
> Feedback is love, so spread love and give me feedback. I have no one to beta so if you don’t like something about the fic just tell me, I’m dying to know ;>
> 
> Last but not least, if you feel like you came up with an awesome idea for the fic's title, definitely tell me ♥ As you can see I have no idea how to title my stuff ;_;


	2. Reflections

By now Levi was convinced he must have been a really bad person in his previous life. A mobster maybe, or a mafia boss, if not a serial killer. Well, when he saw the room of one of his best workers (the very exact one towards whom he had plans, shit, not just plans, fucking _hopes_ ) he decided not a serial killer. More like a mass murderer. Definitely a mass murderer, who was killing in a cruel, sophisticated way and pulled in kids. At least. 

There was no other explanation of what had happened within the last 24 hours. Definitely not. Not _at all_.

It started with his mom texting him that she won’t be able to come for Christmas (not that he’d ever admitted it bothered him) and because of that she also won’t be able to get Mikasa back at the time. But, oh what a fucking brilliant idea, her friend is flying to Atlanta from France and if Levi could drop her in Lille he would take Mikasa with him. Which would happen in two weeks and Levi would be able to focus on his work. Brilliant idea, wasn’t it?

It would be, if Kuchel didn’t talk to Mikasa about it as well, just a while after talking to Levi. Because Mikasa went almost crazy, counterattacking what she assumed was her brother wanting to get rid of her earlier with a long list of attractions she wanted to see before coming back. Which Levi immediately refused, like, for a few blessed minutes, but Mikasa was, well, Mikasa. There was no refusing Mikasa, even if she wasn’t seven yet. So yeah, after he left his office that afternoon he was forced to check out the first, seemingly innocent point on his little cunning sister’s list. A goddamn Harry Potter photo spot at King’s Cross, that was full of people and, seriously?, really?, not just children taking the photos, but big ass grown up adults.

Did the idiots have zero decency? Zero at all? And then the filthy messy disaster of a human appeared and disappeared, leaving undefined, but definitely not interesting, no-no-nope! aftertaste and her disgusting phone. Ugh.

Once they got back home Mikasa, this little monster, took his phone to upload her holy photos to God knows where, and Levi had a while to check out the other phone. Well, first he had to take a tissue and screen cleaner and wipe it twice. Then he did it for the third time, just to be sure, plugged it and turned it on. There was no screen lock, which could be expected from the messy filth, but also Levi didn’t have to wait until someone called the phone again. He checked out the last call and almost chocked when he saw the most common number’s contact pic. The name only confirmed that yes, it was one of his employees. His better employees, whom he would never suspect of contacts with _this_ kind of people.

He wanted to call her immediately but he restrained. He thought he probably shouldn’t be doing it, but also he was annoyed and wanted to make some things clear, so he opened the Messenger on the weirdo’s phone. As he suspected, the first on the list was Rico, his worker. Another pin of guilt came to his mind, followed by the thought that as Rico’s boss he might find there some things he didn’t want to know. But then, again, whatever the fuck he wanted he was going to do, it wasn’t his fault dammit.

A few shopping lists exchanges and bill quarrels were a good point to believe that Rico and the freak where flatmates. So at first Levi thought he may just drop it in the office, but then he realised it was Friday and Rico wasn’t supposed to be there before Wednesday. It would be good to make it out earlier (not that he cared and not this kind of making out, ugh) but he was leaving tomorrow to Liverpool and would be back on Monday so, well, what to do, what to do. Again, he almost called Rico, but then an idea appeared in his mind and there he was, standing in front of a scrapped old building downtown, talking to Rico and what must have been the filth on some hard drugs. But it wasn’t the worst part.

Coming in to the cluttered, dirty flat, with Rico spread on the floor, squinting without glasses and holding the doorframe like her last resort, wasn’t the worst part either. It was all only the prelude. That, and when the weirdo tried to speak again, whatever she wanted to communicate unsuccessful.

No, the worst part took place on the staircase, where the idiot (Ji? Rico called her Ji.) followed him and threw herself at him, giving Levi a dozen of bruises on his legs, that for sure. The horror of horrors happened when they stopped, halfway on the disgusting staircase, where Levi’s hair, skin, clothes, _everything_ ended up in thick greasy dust. Laundry and shower NOW.

Way back home ensured him that YES he WAS a goddamn mass murder and a sneaky peeper of others’ profiles. All he wished for was to teleport to his shower because damn if he didn’t feel the dust crawling into his pores. Ugh!

But that wasn’t all. No, of course not. Once he left the shower he realised. There wasn’t HIS phone in his jeans or anywhere else. Shit, SHIT, SHIIIIT!

* * *

 

A crowd of sleepy tourists was flushing over the café rubbing their thighs over Hanji’s table. In any other situation she would try to figure out where they came from, but she had other concerns.

Hanji chose the popular brand café on purpose, as it was the very last place anyone would look for her. Not that she didn’t like their coffee, but Rico instilled in her a need to support small local businesses and Hanji couldn’t argue with that. The chain cafés were relatively safe places to be alone and gulp black filtered coffee with an extra espresso, no standard milk, syrup and tone of whipped cream that where the base of Hanji’s diet and daily calorie intake included. But the pure caffeine and relative solitude was exactly what she needed that Sunday morning.

After the events of Friday evening and hangover-blurred Saturday she finally was back to her normal, sober self. And, honestly, what on Earth was happening?! Did she really fall for that guy? Guy that was, apparently, Rico’s grumpy boss that her roommate was complaining about being pedantic and snappish at least a few times a week? Hanji gulped another hot sip and deepened her squint. Was there something in the bigger image of the guy she couldn’t notice while being sober? There must have been.

There were two things Hanji was absolutely sure about.

First: unlike Rico was convinced before Hanji proved her wrong, she didn’t leave her phone with the man on purpose. She was in hurry and just forgotten and, a blessing in disguise, forgetting about “trivial” things was Hanji’s second nature, so it wasn’t that difficult to convince Rico she was telling the truth.

Second: Hanji had never fallen in love. Ever. It just had never happened. She had hundreds of friends. Closer or not, irrelevant, really, but friends. Just friends. The few people who tried to flirt with her she… Oh. She always thought they had been doing it for fun and she had been gently getting rid of them or turning it into a joke. No, not really turning, she was _convinced_ they had been joking (including that one guy whom she accidentally turned gay only to come out to be a woman) because why wouldn’t they. But, what was more important, there was never anyone in her life she actually desired. Not even once. And, on top of that, somehow she knew she wasn’t ace, not really. But she was so involved in her hobbies, studies, future plans and goofing around that there had never appeared anyone that would win over her time-consuming life.

And that lead to another issue that Hanji was convinced was true: If she hadn’t been drunk, she would have never done all the things that happened that Friday evening. Not that she wouldn’t dare, Hanji was made of dare, that and the extra amount of the sugar she was consuming, but she just wouldn’t… come up with the idea. She would never call the guy cute when sober. Because she would never call anyone cute when sober, not in _that_ context, because _that_ indicated activities that might be drawn-out and life-changing in the longer perspective. How inconvenient of them!

And yet there she was, sitting in the café and openly admitting the guy was cute. Hanji new she thought he was. Her inner demons were lost completely free when drunk. But then again, even drunk, she had never confessed to anyone, never wanted anyone, and if ended up kissing in the back of a club it was always just for fun.

So why now? Why it was happening now? What was it about that guy? She couldn’t see and she didn’t know. But, fortunately or nor, Hanji remembered her perfectly drunk self from the previous night. She remembered, oh, remembered so well. She didn’t even need Rico telling her what happened, because the most mind-blowing part took place on the staircase and Rico had no idea. Even if Mike told her, none of them could hear what was happening in Hanji’s head. And a lot was happening, oh girl, so, _so_ much not very decent (and not safe either) ideas. That _a lot_ made her hardly remember the guy’s eyes but oh-so-well the curve of his ass. Ugh.

And then there was another thing: Levi… _Let’s deal with the reality and call him his name_ , Hanji thought, even though in her mind it meant admitting something and making the consideration session more intimate. But ugh! How long could one avoid thinking someone’s name (thinking! Not even saying it out loud!) and calling him “that guy?”

Hanji sipped again, now a little more as the coffee cooled down. She could almost hear Rico’s _Back to the topic, Ji!_ which made her smirk to the coffee and splash some on her glasses.

So, back to the topic: After sobering up Hanji thought that Levi coming straight to their flat was acting a little bit weird but it was _only_ a little bit compared to now. More than 24 hours passed and he seemed uninterested in getting his phone back. Phone that was lying on a small table in front on Hanji and didn’t ring even once since she took it. There was a fest of notifications though, but Levi seemed to value his privacy and all Hanji could see was from which apps they came from.

With six digit screen lock on (and none of the related numbers Rico came up with working) Hanji could only dream about looking through Levi’s phone. Morally questionable or not, if someone asked her it was for the sake of research. Yep, definitely research, it wasn’t like she wanted to get to know more about him to satisfy her curiosity, or maybe find out where he liked to go in his free time, nope. And if someone was to indicate any of the above Hanji had ready argumentation on why it was absolutely necessary to look through Levi’s phone. Absolutely, undoubtedly necessary.

Levi didn’t call, didn’t replayed Rico’s messages on Facebook, didn’t answer e-mails. They couldn’t track his Instagram profile or any actual social media and the few of his friends on Facebook turned Rico down or didn’t responded. The company’s phone was also silent, which was to be predicted as it was the middle of the weekend. So after a while Rico shrugged and told Hanji to bring it back to Levi’s office on Monday. Which should be fine, but it gave Hanji way too much time to overthink. And, ugh, Hanji was never overthinking anything that wasn’t about studying (like if she would manage to get another course if a day had only 24 hours), or a project (would it be ok to change the topic midterm because, damn, that didn’t go the way she had expected), or whether they had space for another plant in their flat (probably not).

Hanji turned the unfamiliar smartphone and put from one hand to another, as if she wanted to guess it’s weight. At this point she almost lost hope he would call but the curiosity who else could call was eating her from inside, as it was the only option to get to know something more about him. Rico didn’t know a lot because Levi seemed to keep his life very, _very_ private. Talking to a potential someone he knew was her only hope before meeting him on Monday.

Once Levi (whose name currently was connected in her mind to the image of the phone on his ass. Nope, not ass, back pocket. It was definitely back pocket) was thought through from every possible angle, Hanji could come back to the more confusing aspect of the situation, which was herself.

What she was going to do? No idea. Well, ok, she had an idea, which was getting drunk again and see what her intoxicated self had to say about the whole situation, but that plan had some serious cons. Which included: her scholarship money wasn’t coming for another few days, Rico wouldn’t let her forget about that for the rest of her life (not that big deal, but still…) and, on top of that, Hanji wanted to figure it out herself. What was happening and what were her feelings (feelings?!) for that guy. What would her next move be. Her drunk alter-ego wanted her to meet him again, like an alco-Pythia, knowing something sober Hanji didn’t know. Or, crossed her mind, for some reason she didn’t want to allow it to her consciousness. The thought made her uneasy.

Gulp-gulp-gulp, Hanji drunk half of her cup at once. Work caffeine, work! And after the most mind breaking contemplation of her life Hanji decided that she, indeed, would flirt with that guy. Not that she knew how to flirt with someone she actually had feelings for, but she would have to learn. Learning was her natural, comfortable state, so it should be fine. But if anyone asked her, flatmates excluded, she was going to tell them that it was for the sake since. And what kind of since? Didn’t matter. It wasn’t like anyone ever was interested in her studies if they weren’t her lab-buddies, right? Right?!

Mentally uplifted, Hanji left the café and headed back home, hoping Rico would make something yummy to share. Figuring out her feelings came out to be more energy-consuming than the nights in the library at the end of semester and at that point she wasn’t nearly done with them. Rico was necessary, both as her food provider and friend, as soon as possible.

* * *

 

Rico sent another message to Levi, more out of the last day’s habit than hope that he’d respond. After her co-worker reminded her that he was going on a business trip this weekend and probably took the business phone anyway she chilled a little but the apparent peace of mind didn’t affected Ji. Not in the way Rico had expected.

 

The previous day, when Rico told her what the fuck she did and yes, Ji was paying all the bills until Rico found a new job because it was Ji’s goddamn fault, and another yes, Levi _was_ her grumpy (but, to give him justice, very reliable and always paying on time) boss, a whole range of feelings appeared on Ji’s face. Starting with terror, quickly followed with triumph and that again terror when Ji realised what was Levi’s company doing.

For a short moment Rico thought that maybe the realization broke her friend, as Ji went to their room and removed the papers from her bed in the order that only Ji herself knew. It looked as if she was going to clean (clean!) something without their regular fight always preceding this kind of event. Or Rico threatening that she would share her food with their other flatmates when Ji would be in a class and leave nothing for her if she won’t carry out some pizza boxes. But she only removed the papers to throw herself on the bed and, wtf, google Levi. Google him. Shit.

Rico grabbed her head. _Obviously_ Ji googled him. Ji googled everything, so how the impossible crush on her boss could be any different. Fortunately, Levi wasn’t an Internet life-exhibitionist and apart of his hardly ever used Facebook she only could find the Sina Cleaning Company website and profiles on business and services platforms. The only social media win, to Ji’s delight, was his profile on Linked-in, even if strictly professional, but confirming the scraps of information she forced out of Rico.

Rico had to leave to work for Saturday afternoon and evening and she was actually glad, because she had no idea how to deal with her friend in _this_ state. She had no experience with that or whatsoever so having an excuse to disappear was a blessing. None of them was the type of an affectionate friend to pet each other on the head and feel sorry. More like kick the ass and throw out of the window.

When Rico came back at night Ji was asleep on the kitchen sofa in an impossible position and when she woke up in the morning Ji had already left. Rico only hoped she hadn’t found Levi’s address somehow, but that was hardly possible. So she could relatively peacefully proceed to her favourite Sunday activity, which was cooking.

She was halfway through her second plate of millets with veggies, which smell was mixing with the sweet aroma of Nanaba’s cake in the oven, when Ji emerged at the door.

“Eeeat.” She moaned, looking hopefully from Rico to Nanaba.

Rico only rolled her eyes but Nanaba put a plate in front of Ji the moment her stupid ass touched the chair. “Here” Nanaba’s voice, clam and considerate, annoyed Rico. She wanted to make a mean comment, but, again, Nanaba’s voice. “Are you ok, Hanji?”

Ji shoved a few forkfuls of food before she even looked at them. “Probably not” she admitted. They were all silent until they emptied their plates and Ji rose her eyes and looked at them. “You have to help me.”

“Now that something new” Rico murmured.

“I’m serious. I think, well… I think I like that guy?”

Rico rolled her eyes yet again.

Ji bite her lip. “I mean. I want you to help to… act like I like him? Like I really like him?”

“What?” Rico gave her a look from above her glasses.

“You want us to help you to act _serious_?” You knew things were serious when even Nanaba chocked.

“Yeah.”

“Hell no!” Rico disappeared in their bedroom, leaving cleaning to the two of them.

 

So now they were sitting each on her bed, Rico staring scowling at Ji with her arms crossed and Ji, of all things, playing with Levi’s phone. If it wasn’t for one of her holy Prince Polos that Rico nobly shared with her roommate it would look like they were fighting. But no, it wasn’t that. Ji was trying to extract every piece of information about her boss and Rico didn’t know if she could… if she shouldn’t tell her things like where his office where. Not like she had to share the address, since Ji had googled it within seconds after Rico had made the mistake of telling her she knew Levi, not to mention they worked together. What the hell had been Rico thinking? What time he usually came to work and where would he get lunch was, in Ji’s opinion, another crucial information.

Rico sighed rising from the bed. “I gotta go to work” she said stretching. She stuffed her backpack with some of her job, her second job, essentials and went to the kitchen to microwave a cup of coffee leftovers from the morning. Chewing a piece of bread with margarine, that she definitely didn’t filch from Mike’s box, she came back to their room and gave Ji a judging stare. “Look. If you _have to_ do it in person than fine. Not that I care anymore. But don’t tell Mike and Nanaba, ok?”

Ji looked at her doubtfully. “But they know. Mike saw us that evening.”

“Not about your stupid crush, idiot. About the fact that I lost the job. The bills paying job!” Rico still couldn’t fully believe she didn’t kill Ji then and there right after that, but well. They were best friends after all, weren’t they?

Instead of answering, Ji tilted to the side and whined – something as unlike Ji as a thing could be. The look was so irrational Rico forget her coffee was right from the microwave and burned her tongue. Perfect, she thought, putting a spoonful of sugar on the burned tip, not that her tongue was kind of essential to do her job tonight. Not at fucking all.

Rico brushed her teeth, washed her face and did make up, definitely her most hated part of the job, the rest wasn’t _that_ bad. Then she chose some of the clothes she got for this kind of occasion in particular, unlike her other clothes those always clean and put neatly in the dresser. She even used some light perfume and a nice nude lipstick. She looked at herself critically in the kitchen mirror, rather pleased with her looks. Her appearance was not without meaning in the job and, to be honest, after almost two years actively in the profession she had some reputation to maintain, damn it.

Rico blew a lose flock from her forehead. Levi knew about her second job. She always thought it wasn’t something a starting up businessman would be approval of, but he never had anything against as long as it didn’t collide with the work she had at Levi’s. So, on one hand, it was fine. But on the other Rico just realised the it probably made no sense to ask super nicely if she could stay. Levi knew it wasn’t her only source of income, even if the only fully reliable one, and he could get rid of her keeping his conscience clear. Rico whined and took her backpack, stuffing small sachets in one of its pockets. Once she left the flat she took her phone and opened an app, looking thoughtfully at its calendar. She marked every day in the next three weeks as “available” and speeded up. She shouldn’t be late to the meeting point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came up with a coherent schedule for a while so I'm going to update weekly on Mondays \o/
> 
> Next Monday Hanji, more Hanji and... Ah yeah, I cannot tell you ^w^


	3. Hare and Hounds

Hanji stood in front of greyish door on the second floor of a cheap office building and rose her hand to knock. Rose it to knock but didn’t knock. What was happening to her? She took a deep breath and knocked loudly. She thought she heard someone but wasn’t sure and knocked again, even louder.

“It’s open” the voice said and Hanji came into a small, neat room. Colourful binders where perfectly levelled with the edges of white shelves, greyish floor covering was clean and dusted. All the papers on the desk on the right edged with the table and buttoned with an old tea can (who on Earth has been using paper buttons?!), pens in their cup, pins in a box and anything else that could clutter the desk nowhere to be seen. Anything except for a small Crassula in a pink pot that used to be Hanji’s, but she lost it in a bet a few weeks ago, that was betraying who was usually working at the desk.

Once seen, the contrast between their flat and Rico’s workplace was paralyzing. How could she spend so much time in this unwelcome, sterile room every week not going crazy?

The left side desk was, on the other hand, piled with open binders, lose papers and two laptops at once. A petit woman with quite short, strawberry blond hair was clicking on the laptop staring at Hanji at the same time. If it made any sense Hanji would almost think there was a prankish glimmer in her eyes.

Hanji grinned. Even if confused with Levi, she still could do with other humans.

“Hi! I came to meet Mr. Ackermann. Is he in his office?” _Smooth_ Hanji thought, taking a step in the direction of the door on the left which she knew led to Levi’s private office.

“He’s not there” the women said. “You can leave a message.” She typed something quickly. “Are you one of our collaborated companies’ reps?”

“Oh. No, no. When is he coming?”

The women hesitated. “I’m not sure if he’s coming today at all.” She glanced at the screen. “I suggest you to leave a message and boss will call back tomorrow.”

“Ok then. I’ll come back tomorrow.” Hanji smiled faintly thinking of another day of vain hopes, turned on a heel and closed the door. She had been going to skip her morning class to talk to Levi, but if she run there was still time. And damn if she wasn’t the best sprinter in the university section.

Tomorrow was more problematic though. Today she was going to the class a student but tomorrow morning she was the _lecturer_. But there was absolutely no way she wasn’t trying again, because that would mean giving the phone to Rico on Wednesday (perhaps) and loosing the chance to meet her… Well, actually, to meet her _whom_?

* * *

 

Petra 9:11

You were right

She’s there

Levi 9:11

Told ya

Do as we planned

Patra 9:12

No need to worry

I got you

Boss ^^

Levi 9:15

What?!

Go after her

Petra 9:16

Are you sure?

Shouldn’t I stay in character?

And if she’s Ricos (unsent)

 

The door to Levi’s office opened quietly and he left. Petra expected him to be pale or something like that but not reddish.

“Fuck.” Levi cursed. “What a fucking idiot.” Someone who didn’t know him could think there was no determination in his words or maybe even that he was perfectly calm, never mind cursing. Petra knew Levi long enough to know he was furious. His ever-calm voice was perfectly cold and half a tone quieter.

“I’ll make some tea.” Petra smiled at him and rose from her desk. She went to the kitchenette partly hidden behind a partition wall and turned on the cattle. “Don’t you think I should tell her I know tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Levi said. “Whatever. It’s not like telling you makes no sense, yeah?” he looked at her with confused eyes.

Petra turned her head to the kitchenette and pretended she was looking for the tea can on the back of the shelf to hide her ironic smile. She’d bet that her boss had no idea himself he was acting weird compared to his ordinary self. It wasn’t something that anyone could see but Petra was the one who knew him for the longest period of time since he moved to the UK. And probably also the one who knew him the best. The beginnings of making friends with Levi might have been difficult on both sides. Probably more difficult on Levi’s, which limited the circle of his friends… a lot.

Petra took mugs and placed infusers in them. Tea was a serious matter in the company. After spilling it on some important papers two times in a week Levi nobly agreed to replace delicate tea cups with saucers with something more office-friendly. How wasn’t he British, seriously?

Petra took a deep breath to calm herself down cause she didn’t think joking about Levi’s definitely-not-love-interest would make any good in their relationship. Not now anyway.

“Why won’t you text Rico and ask what’s the matter?”

Levi reminded silent until she shoved a mug into his hand and he sat on Rico’s office chair. Than he inhaled from the mug, still too hot to take a sip, and sighed. Levi had never been sighing. Even when there was only he and Petra.

“Rico was texting me” he said. “I suppose it counts in tens till now. And not just me but any other contact she could find out or google, asking to tell me they got it.”

It was Petra’s turn to frown. “Yep, I know, but… Why didn’t you tell them it’s fine then?”

Levi looked at her with surprise. “Because it’s not?” A pause. “I mean, it’s not like I left my damn phone on purpose in their flat. That freak must have taken it while attempting to break my back, there’s no other explanation, ok? I only hope Rico is just another victim of this madwomen.” Another pause. “I mean, you know, I don’t want the whole suckery of getting used to another office worker.”

Petra knew, of course. Levi wanted second kind-of-secretary-kind-of-accountant part-time only three times a week in the office on purpose. She supposed he got used to Rico’s presence enough to maybe hire her fulltime sooner or later. Because, seriously, if not, Petra was going to start pestering him about the amount of workload that was piling on her desk and, well, some other things.

“Ok then. We’ll retrieve your phone tomorrow and forget about it before Rico’s even back, alright?”

Levi shrugged. “Whatever” he murmured, retreating to his office.

Petra stifled giggle when he left the door open. Yep, she would get his phone tomorrow, that for sure. But forgetting about the whole situation? Not really.

* * *

 

_Another day, another chance_ , Hanji thought, standing in front of the same door as yesterday. The same door, the same hour, the same amount of time she actually didn’t have to waste. That time she knocked and opened the door not waiting for an invitation. The same blonde woman behind the desk, the same neatness all over the office. Déjà vu almost.

Hanji grinned. “Morning. I came to meet…”

“Are you the person who we expect to bring back boss’ phone?” the women interrupted.

Hanji didn’t expect that. The blonde almost got her. _Almost_.

“What? No. No, I must have got into the wrong office. Sorry to interrupt!” Hanji squeaked, shut the door behind her and run out on the street. That was bad. That was really bad. Maybe Rico was right? Maybe she was acting like an idiot? Maybe… Nah.

She made sure nobody was after her and went to her next potential chance spot. The café. There was a couple of cafés on the street but Rico told her Levi would usually go to one of two of them, wherever the queue was shorter.

Hanji chose the one closer to the office and ordered the cheapest drink that wasn’t an expresso. She perched on a stool next to the counter and lured, waiting for an occasion to get a more convenient place for spying. She attacked when one of the two sits by the window was freed and sat there. She had a perfect observation spot for the office building front door and could almost disappear in the huge armchair if needed. Double win. Hanji took out her laptop. Facebook immediately reminded her that she muted her phone. 13 unread messaged form Moblit. Why?

 

Moblit 9:51

Where r u?

R u coming?

Hanji?

?

???

Hanji!

 

Moblit 9:57

It’s not like we don’t know u’re late

But if u won’t come till 10

We’re leaving

 

Moblit 10:02

Hanji they left

What happened?

R u ok?

HANJI!

 

Hanji 10:34

I sent an email

Cancelling the class

 

Moblit 10:35

Nope

U didn’t

 

Hanji 10:38

No?

I wanted to

Oh

My fault

 

Moblit 10:39

R u ok?

 

Hanji 10:39

Srr

Omg Mob

Gotta go but

Ask me in the evening about tomorrow class

XD

 

Moblit 10:41

-_-

 

Her happy chat with Moblit was interrupted by a familiar silhouette entering the office building. All right, so he wasn’t there earlier anyway. Fine. Hanji was ready to wait however long it took because, ugh… feelings? Nope, nope, nope, not feelings, curiosity. Curiosity that was.

She sent an apologise email to her morning class and another one cancelling the early afternoon one. She hoped she would make it until the evening lab and if not… She never skipped any so it wasn’t like that would be a problem. Then she hesitated. Shouldn’t she tell Moblit?

The weekend brainstorm reminded her about that evening when Rico told Hanji that Moblit had a crush on her. Hanji laughed her down, because that really was ridiculous. Moblit. Crush on her. On _her_! Absurd.

 

Once she would get the scholarship on her account Hanji was going to buy Rico a whole box of her holly Prince Polo’s. Rico’s information was more than worth it. Levi’s company was, in Hanji’s understanding, clockwork working. Even if everything wasn’t exactly as she planned.

A while after noon the strawberry blonde left the building. Hanji tried to look as small as possible in her armchair but the woman didn’t enter the café. She didn’t went in the second café’s direction either and after a while she disappeared behind the corner.

Hanji gasped. This was the chance that she was waiting for. Her holly chance. She shut her laptop, shoved it into her bag and would spill coffee if she hadn’t drunk all of it two hours earlier. She entered the building and run to the second floor, taking two steps at once and stopped in front of the door. There she was. That was it. Was she nervous? Was she wondering what to say? It was so unlike her, such an unfamiliar feeling.

She opened the door and stopped. The first office was empty so she immediately went to the inside one. I was empty too. Just as clean and neat as the other one and even smaller. Nothing special. More shelves with binders, another identical desk, white walls, a few photo frames on the desk that Hanji didn’t miss to check out, a closed laptop. What was that? Were they playing hide and seek or something?

* * *

 

Levi was looking though the magazine, the biggest room of the three that the company’s office was made of when someone came in. Petra shouldn’t be back that early, neither should be any other employee to get their equipment. An alarming feeling went through Levi’s head, fanned by his paranoia from the previous day. He turned off the light and repealed the door as quietly as possible. There she was. His fucking, disgusting, insane stalker. He could see her messy hair disappear behind his private office’s door, followed by lean ass. Gross.

As unexpected as it was, the situation was still to Levi’s advantage. He knew the filth was there and she didn’t knew where he was. An unpleasant shiver went down his spine when he realised what a weird coincidence it was that the Ji came right after Petra left. Was the fuck spying them? Should he call the police? And tell them what? That she was harassing him and stole his phone? The later already useless after he ignored tens of Rico’s messages that they got if. Fuck.

Levi stiffened when she left his office. Her bag had been already stuffed when she came so he only hoped that she hadn’t taken anything else and would leave. He wasn’t deluding himself that she would leave the phone on his desk but he did hope that she’d ignore the other door and leave. He obviously underestimated her.

There was enough racks, shelves and stacks of boxes for him to have a chance to hide and stay unnoticed if the weirdo didn’t sniff around too much. Tiptoeing, Levi retreated to the side of the magazine and hid behind a rack packed with rags and bottles of Simple Green – enough to stay unseen in the dark room but still be able see her coming from behind the stuff and go around the rack if needed.

The door opened wider.

“Hello?” The weirdo’s voice was uneven but it was definitely the same annoying, cracky sound. She went in, pulled the door a little and looked around. Levi could see only her contour until she eventually found the light switch. And that was when he saw her for the first time without the alcohol-made facade, without red-hot post-run cheeks and wobbly rapid moves. Without her hair in a messy… Oh fuck. Hadn’t she touched a comb since that Friday evening? Levi used the little hair disaster to pretend he haven’t seen the tee eyes glimmering even from behind uncleaned glasses and her surprisingly slick fingers on the door frame. Fuck no.

She opened her mouth but then suddenly closed it saying nothing and went in between the shelves on the left, luckily for Levi who was hiding on the opposite side of the magazine, stroking the bottles and brushes. When she turned back there was a weird look on her face. _What is it, filth,_ Levi thought _, never seen a fuckin bottle of Domestos?_ He swallowed when she moved in his direction. Couldn’t the fuck go deeper into the room, so that Levi could sneak out? Very slowly, to make sure he wasn’t making any noise, Levi made a step backwards. His eyes were still glued to her as he made another two, turning to his left.

The four-eyes was maybe three meters from him when he made the forth, uncertain step and then the entire plan of sneaking out unnoticed collapsed. Literally.

Levi set his foot in a slightly wrong angle and lost his balance, falling backward, where resting by the wall was a couple of mops and buckets. With the last impulse to avoid falling he grasped the nearest rack but a cheap frame packed with light materials wasn’t enough to support his weight. Levi fell on the mops, the mops fell on the buckets and on the pile of limbs and cleaning equipment fell an entire ruck of rugs, followed by a few bottles of window cleaner.

Had he ever mentioned he must have been a mass murder in his previous life?

* * *

 

Hanji froze when the rack she only slightly dabbed collapsed. She knew she happened to be a little clumsy at a time but that was too much even for her. She was standing with her hand rose in the same position when the shelf collapsed and was considering sneaking out and pretending she had never been there when the pile of fallen rugs moved under the shelf. A familiar voice was cursing from under the pile and if it would be possible to be pale and flushed and the same time that would be definitely Hanji’s face at the moment. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.

After a few second of stupor Hanji moved to rise the shelf and help her, uhm, friend-to-be from the floor. Which would be much easier if he wasn’t doing to everything to, as it seemed, avoid being touched. Avoiding her eyes as well, as if she was Medusa, while using one hand to keep his distance and the other one to help himself from the pile, unsuccessfully. Hanji rolled away some bottles to make place but after a few moves Levi collapsed even more into the pile, with his ass in one of the buckets and a mop majestically dangling above his head.

“I”ll help” Hanji said, offering her hand.

“Hell no, idiot” Levi dodged her hand but she grabbed his sleeve instead.

“Don’t be ridiculous” Hanji’s mood hoisted at the sight of his annoyed face. _Kinda cute_ , she thought, pulling the sleeve and grabbing Levi’s wrist.

“I’m the one being ridiculous?” Levi jerked his hand and damn, he was strong. Instead of freeing himself from her grab he pulled Hanji down. She noticed a shutter of terror in his eyes before her forehead hit Levi’s jaw. Ouch, that hurt!

Hanji put her hands on both sides of her stiffened object of interested and grinned apologetically, trying to get up. Every move was rocking the uneven construction under them so of course one of her hands slipped and now she was literally lying on Levi’s chest.

Levi’s “fuck” was interrupted by the sound of front door opening and a cheerful “I’m back!” He silenced half the word and again moved under Hanji, when the newcomer, alarmed by his voice, came into magazine.

“Levi, are you ok?” the sound of plastic tapping over plastic lead them exactly to where they were lying.

Hanji twisted her head from Levi, unworried about the leftovers of her never-existing dignity and saw the petite blonde.

“Oh” the woman’s surprised face quickly changed into a malicious smile. “I guess I shouldn’t be interrupting.” The smile definitely wasn’t meant for Hanji.

The blonde turned around before Levi’s voice stopped her again.

“Fuck it, Petra! Take that filth out of me!”

Petra turned back to them and Hanji could hear a flush of camera. “Of course. Boss.” The last word said with a pinch of sarcasm. Hanji thought that, after all, she liked that Petra girl.

* * *

 

After entangling her cursing boss and his confused definitely-not-love-interest from the pile of rugs and plastic Petra run to the office’ front door and locked it, hiding the key in her pocket. She wasn’t going to let Hanji run with Levi’s phone for the third time because, as funny as it was, with the company expanding its target market to another city they had no time to waste during the office hours. And, what Patra experienced first-hand on Monday, paranoid Levi was half as efficient as everyday Levi. Too bad, yet easily avoidable. Or that was what Petra hoped it was.

There was about half an hour before another group of workers should come to get their equipment, so Petra sat the woman on Rico’s chair and pointed at her own for Levi to sit on. Which he did, wincing when his double-bruised body touched it. Petra fixed some tea, a standard procedure for any kind of trouble, and put the mugs in front of them.

Rico’s friend was looking from Levi to Petra, back and again, while Levi anchored his eyes in the mug, pretending there was only he and his tea. Typical. Petra stood in front of them and crossed her arms.

“Ok then, you” she turned to Hanji. “End this stalking game and give Levi’s phone back.”

“Fine.” Hanji rummaged in her bag and took out a couple of things. Including something that looked, to Levi’s terror, who definitely wasn’t observing her from the corner of he’s eye, a jar of something earthy, and finally put the phone on Petra’s desk. Levi eyed it with disgust and rose it using two fingers, for that it was full of finger marks and slightly sticky.

“Finally” He murmured, whipping it with a handkerchief.

“First drawer, on the right” said Petra, suppressing giggle.

Levi took out a laptop wipe and cleaned the screen with hum of satisfaction. He unlocked the phone, turning back to Hanji, who, Petra was sure of that, twisted herself in hope to see his screen lock combination.

“Fucking great. Shitload of notes and…” Levi frowned but said nothing, putting the phone as far away from Hanji as he could. “Now, if you could be so nice,” he turned to Hanji, drawling every word with cold fury “get your ass up and leave the fuck my office.”

Petra was grateful she wasn’t drinking because she would definitely choke at that point. Was Levi aware it was like… a test? Was Hanji? Nope. None of them, for which they were worth each other.

“Ok then,” she said “now that we have everything explained we have to go back to work!” She took Hanji by hand, and, to Petra’s surprise, she let her lead herself out of the office, closing the door behind her.

Petra looked up at Hanji. She wasn’t beautiful, but wasn’t ugly either. She was… interesting. And, what Petra realised only standing next to her on the staircase, higher than Levi. A few inches at least.

“Can I ask you a question?” Petra said.

“Y-yeah.”

“What is it that you see in Levi?”

“After today, would you believe me if I said I have no idea?”

Petra recalled Levi’s ever-grumpy face and slightly too fancy clothing choices.

“Yep. I definitely would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello! How about some contrast to the super serious episode form tomorrow? We’ve seen it animated, let’s cry together T_T
> 
> Instead of just keeping a general preliminary drafty list of events I’ve actually split them into chapters and there’s no way to do it in 10 chapters. No way at all. Something close to 25 is the most realistic number I can give @_@
> 
> I’ve forgotten to mention it before but it’s still no too late: I’m up to date with both the anime and manga so there may be some spoilery hints from the manga chapters that haven’t been animated yet, as well as including some characters you may not know unless you read the manga. The AU is a completely different story than the original and there won’t be any blunt spoilers but I thought it would be better to warn you, just in case ;>
> 
> Unless I scared you of, see ya next Monday ♥


	4. Oversleep

Rico woke up to the sound of Ji’s alarm and yawned widely, changing her side and drawing the duvet higher to her face.

“Five more minutes” she babbled, cuddling her face to the cushion and preparing mentally for Ji’s enthusiastic morning chatter and noise, followed by the smell of coffee. But none of them appeared and when the alarm kept ringing for another minute Rico rose from the bed. “What the…” and she noticed Ji’s red rimmed eyes and remembered. Fuck. There was no need for Rico to get up, because she wasn’t going anywhere. Well, maybe to the kitchen to look through job offers and that would be it for the day, since going out threatened spending money she definitely hadn’t in excess. Fuck.

“Turn it off!” A pillow flew over Ji and she looked at Rico with absent eyes.

Rico rolled her eyes and turned the alarm off herself, then went back to bed. “Get your ass up, you’ve got a class in an hour” she murmured to Ji, who seemed to completely ignore her. “And tell Mike I’m sick or something.”

Rico thought that Ji ignored her yet again but no, the bed creaked and bare feet lapped on the floor. “Yeah, you’re right” Ji said and that was all for the morning.

Rico pretended she fell back to sleep but was listening to every sound. The trickling drops in the coffee machine. Scraping of mugs on the table. Muted sound of books shoved into a bag. Zippers of Ji’s shoes. Mike saying hi. Ji answering and murmuring something about Rico feeling bad. The sound of Mike’s toasts jumping from the toaster. Twisting of cup on a jar of jam. The door shutting behind Hanji, who left without a goodbye. Mike munching the toast. Mike clapping on the floor. Mike knocking the door frame.

“Do you need anything?” Mike being a way too good flatmate.

Rico squinted and tried to sound sick. “No, thanks. It must be a food poisoning, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.” Rico send him a weak, she hoped, smile.

“Text me if you need anything from the pharmacists.” Mike ate the last bite of his toast and after a while the door closed behind him.

Rico nuzzled back into the pillow and sighed. It was just after 8 a.m., the middle of the week, and she was alone in the flat with no plans and no one coming back for the next couple of hours. After a few minutes she thought she enjoyed herself quite a lot. She turned her head back to the middle of the room, pulled the shutters down and thought that after all she deserved some extra rest. Her last four days’ graphic was packed to the extend and the office today would be pain in the ass anyway. Nice, nice blissful Wednesday morning. She would wake up late, fry eggs for breakfast and look for a TV series to catch up. Yep, perfect, peaceful Wednesday…

Rico was on the cloud nine, wetting her pillow with saliva and hiking true a green, green forest when the alarmed called. “Ji, for the love of your fern, turn the fuck off!” Rico pressed a pillow to her head. The alarm calmed, then called again. Rico realized it wasn’t Ji’s alarm clock but Rico’s very own ringtone. Who on earth would call her this early?

Oh fuck! It was after 10.00. When and how? And, double fuck, it was Levi. Wasn’t she humiliated enough till now that he had to call her personally to inform what a disappointment she was?

Rico considered not answering and it took her so long that the phone indeed stopped calling. Ops. And then called again. Levi.

“Hello?”

“Where the fuck are you?”

Rico stifled. What kind of question was that?

“I-I’m home?”

A moment of silence.

“Are you sick?”

“Ye… No.”

“So why the hell aren’t you in the office?”

Rico stared into the space. How should she play it?

“Oh my god, it’s that late? My alarmed must have turned off! I’ll be there in half an hour, I’m so SO sorry!” And she hung up, immediately getting up. There was fucking hope!

* * *

 

Rico appeared in the office before 11.00 with an apologetic smile not matching her confused eyes and a box doughnuts that she put promptly on the kitchenette countertop. She gave Petra a frightened look and went to her desk, for once not taking her time to make coffee.

“So what is it for today?” Rico’s voice was shaky.

“I sent you the new clients to adjust to the graphic and there are some requests from the others. And Levi wanted you to post the latest job offer on more sites, whatever you can find. Oh, and next week is the payroll so don’t be late again cause I’ll die here alone.” Petra rolled her eyes and Rico gave her a single nod.

They worked in relevant silence for a while, with Petra saying something from time to time and Rico humming, still too engaged in processing the information that she would keep the job. Petra went to take a doughnut and praised in enthusiastically, at which Rico only shrugged. Petra gave her a judging stare from her desk and went back to her binders. A couple of field workers came to get their equipment, those from abroad happy to see Rico, as their English wasn’t always perfect or, what Rico would say, idiots were just shy, and left.

The noon passed and then another hour. Rico didn’t rise from her chair even once, throwing nervous looks at Levi’s door.

* * *

 

Rico felt as if it was a fucking psychological game. A game checking which one would break first the pretending that nothing had happened. Rico wasn’t sure how much Petra knew, but knowing her familiarity with Levi and getting out of Ji what had happened the previous day, probably everything. Levi was sitting in his office and didn’t poke his nose out of there even once. Rico was mentally suffering. She liked Petra but also didn’t trust her in the way that she would keep her side. Petra was Levi’s allay in every possible way, dammit. So when she put a cup of coffee in front of Rico with _Petra smile_ , that she still haven’t fully figured out after two years of working together, Rico couldn’t decide whether it was a nice gesture or a way of showing that after coming two hours late she still wasted extra time to make herself coffee. Rico would howl if it wouldn’t be making herself more of an idiot.

And, back to Petra, Rico thought she was acting weird so it made her more suspicious. Was it really a trial and if she won’t pass she would eventually be out of the place? Or was it a revenge? Cause Petra gave her ALL the new clients to add two the graphics and orders to make AND old invoices and hell if Rico won’t have to stay even longer than the extra two hours. Meanwhile, Petra was looking for something through the binders and leaving the desk every dozen of minutes.

Rico, with her jaw slightly dropped, was staring at Petra devouring her fourth doughnut when she accidentally closed a window without saving it. Let the day finally end. She opened the Excel sheet again and tried to remind herself what she added before it closed. She almost got there when the phone rang.

“Sina Cleaning Company, how can I help you?” Petra’s automatic answer knocked Rico out of her thoughts and she lost it again. Rico put her head on the desk and howled, completely indifferent about how she looked like.

The front door opened and Levi came in, carrying a big package topped with take away boxes, followed by two other men with boxes. Rico jerked her head. Supplies?

“Hi.”

Rico gulped. Why had she assumed he was all the time in the office?

“H-hi.” Rico’s throat was a dessert.

And that was it. They proceeded to their normal not overly expressional selves, animated mostly by Petra’s enthusiasm. Levi acted as if anything never happened and Rico quickly followed, genuinely relieved. She even managed to swallow something after half of the day run on pure caffeine. Yay. She almost believed they were fully back to normal and eventually Ji would forget about her completely unfounded actions concerning Levi. But when Rico was left alone in the office in the early evening Petra came back. As she was talking Rico’s eyes grew bigger. At the end of the talk she was almost sorry for Levi.

* * *

 

Levi got Mikasa back from the kindergarten, enduring the judging look of the attendant whenever she was the last child to be collected. The fact everyone supposed she was his daughter stopped annoying him a while ago. He almost got used to that, hell, she could be his daughter. Instead she was not and Levi doubted deeply that his own child could be as annoying as his little sister. He was thrilled at the thought how much of a pain she would become when older. A lot, that for sure.

After the weekend spent with their neighbours and their son Mikasa got back to tiring him about going to _places_ , most of which screamed annoying and noisy, and open mostly during the working hours of normal people. Levi was sentenced to spend the upcoming weekend crowded by yelling brats and other overly excited people. Fucking perfect. Instead of the initial trials of shirking out of the shit he decided to complete them as soon as possible. Challenge accepted, Snips.

And now, lewd ladies and giddy gentleman, I present you… a goddamn, four-floored and open till midnight M&M store. Levi’s life was a joke. He planned to catch up the messages from late afternoon but there was no way to let Mikasa explore the place alone. So instead he spent the evening explaining why they couldn’t buy half of the store and eventually agreeing to let her spend a certain amount of money, at which Mikasa nodded enthusiastically. And which came out to be just enough for her to get a bag of dispenser candies. Mikasa’s smile dropped but she said nothing, stubbornly keeping silent until they got home and not talking to Levi till the end of that day. The following day Levi went back to the M&M store and bought the blanket and the mascot Mikasa was begging for. Utter defeat.

Later at night Levi settled in the bed with a cup of tea made of two teabags and opened his laptop. It was his ritual since he moved to London to call his friend every Wednesday evening. Because Wednesdays were too rough to be on his own. And somehow it worked.

Levi still had over ten minutes left. He should take the time and think about something pleasant to chill. It was such an exhausting day. Something pleasant, like, like… Face of the four-eyes flit through his face. Hell no!

* * *

 

Over two hours late in the morning, slowed down by Petra’s logorrhoea and buried under the unfinished tasks, Rico left the office almost half past eight. Lighter on her heart (and stomach, after four days of living on basics and leftovers) Rico got some groceries on the way back home and when she eventually arrived Mike and Nanaba had already been nested in their room. Ji was lying on her bed with crossed legs, evenly taking her frustration off over a pile of papers, massacring them with a red pen and crooked scribbles.

“Where have you been?” Ji looked at her over a shoulder.

Rico took off her shoes and dropped the groceries in the kitchen before flopping heavily on her bed.

“I’m not fired” Rico said.

Ji _beamed_.

* * *

 

Since the beginning of the week Hanji was acting weird. It started with her skipping the morning classes two days in a row and continued till the end of the week, when he caught her a couple of times daydreaming and had to poke her out of the half-sleep. Then she ruined an experiment during the Thursday lab and eventually Moblit talk her out of there and wrote the protocol alone. To Moblit’s surprise Hanji agreed after a short while. Hanji was teaching another class on Friday mornings and although it wasn’t Moblit’s class and he could actually stay in bed at the time he went to make sure Hanji appeared. She was very surprised to see him there but Moblit only shrugged and told her he was going to the library earlier. That way they somehow survived till the end of the week with Hanji stubbornly avoiding the topic of what happened before.

There was the moment when they went to get coffee on Tuesday, right after her mysterious absence, when she hesitated but then said something about helping friends and turned her eyes. Moblit could swear she was lying. He called Rico the same evening and ask her if she knew, but all he got was a languid “Don’t ask” that, Moblit was convinced, must have been followed by rolled eyes. And Rico hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today chapter is a short chapter, cause otherwise I would have to either add a part of the next chapter here (what a stinky, mood-destroying idea) or write some completely unnecessary filler paragraphs (ugh, that would be gross)
> 
> I reaaally appreciate every single kudos and I respond to every comment, so definitely leave me feedback if you want to :) Even negative feedback is helpful, so don't be scared to tell me if you don't like sth ;>
> 
> Next Monday is the time when you should probably start preparing the safety blankets the for our poor, traumatized clean freak ^^


End file.
